I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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