she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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