This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
