You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
