HIV tests are more positive than that guy
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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