remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
