You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
