This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
