hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
