last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
