ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
