I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
