i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
