He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
