After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
bring money and cleavage
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
