Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
