reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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