why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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