dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
