Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
