I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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