i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
