Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm really busy with my period
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