You're so nebulous sometimes
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
