Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
