Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
