Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
