Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
