I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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