she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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