even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
