this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
