If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
