Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
