Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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