I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
