I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
