I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
