i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
