I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it glows. i had to have it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
