Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
