I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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