It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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