guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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