when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
