i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
