True but thats because hes a fetus.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
