i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
