Can Purell be used as lube?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
