Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
