could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
