i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
