new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
