I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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