also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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